bored

i am so bored today i even started blogging again. many times before, i go online and read the blogs of the few friends i know and feel compelled to start blogging myself. but somehow i feel ashamed of doin so. even as i am typing this i am looking over my shoulder in case my pesky siblings come and go *gasp* *point* "you have a BLOG?!". i am still not comfortable with expressing myself.

have been sick for the past threedays, hopefully tomorrow i will be ok to go back to school. been so boredjust lying there feeling terrible, not just because of my body but because i'm missing out on the fun (yes school is fun, studying isnt) and not training (super guilty now). speaking of training.. constantly i think that what would my life be like without canoeing? without it of course i wouldnt be here in hc. i would be just another white blobby nerd.

hmm.

but in jc? i think my life would be much more carefree. more enjoyable? what has caused such a turnaround i wonder. i used to enjoy it and the company of teammates. now - nothing. i feel detatched from the team to a certain degree. why.. is it because i'm a slacker? because i miss trainings and miss hanging out with them? i don't think so. i don't slack that much. i think i just cant fit in with these people. sure i can bond with some of them, but i guess its kinda.. superficial? even last year, with the seniors..it was much better i feel. oh well. just about 70 day left. everyone's saying this : juss lub. since i have no choice guess i better do the best i can.

onto work. feeling busy these fewweeks (goddamn spacebar work!grr) but in actual fact not busy at all. just keep slacking. oftentimes i tell myself 'been working hard, its time to take a break' but in reality i haven't. argh its like, theres no time for you to take a break dammit get off your ass and work. pissed.